Crazy Contest: Who Will Win?

I was cutting away some bamboo in the yard a few days ago because it was growing too close to the house. As one particularly slender length began to fall I caught it and felt its supple strength. Suddenly a thought popped into my head: "...this would make the perfect cane for lashing that Muslim woman who wore those pants..." Moral of the tale: if you read the news you will probably go insane. (NOTE: I think she ended up getting off with just some jail time–did I already mention something about insanity?)